I Dare You to Say That Again Only This Time I Want You to Say
One of the earliest words nosotros learn to say is 'no'. Withal equally nosotros get older information technology becomes more than and more difficult to say – especially for women it seems. Why is that?
We hear the word 'no' a lot when nosotros're younger. No, you lot can't have that, no, y'all can't do that and no, you're certainly non going at that place. But nosotros seem to find it increasingly difficult to say no to others.
A friend in need…
I clearly remember every bit a teenager being the shoulder my friends cried on in a crunch. And despite sometimes being bogged down with that 'needy' friend I ever said yes, no affair what I was doing, I would go running and 'be in that location', be that 24/7 back up system. Sound familiar?
In that location was an overriding need to exist liked and I suppose on an unconscious level if I said no then I was giving someone the fast track to not liking me.
You all know what information technology's like hearing someone enquire you to practise something and your centre is screaming 'noooooo', but all of a sudden you become verbally incontinent and the words 'aye, that's fine come tumbling out'.
Then you feel like kick yourself, the voices in your head are saying… so why did y'all say yeah when you lot know you don't want to practice the 'thing'? And so despite these abiding internal conversations going on and the comb of excuses you think you lot can rustle upwards, you still exercise the 'affair'.
The problem is this doesn't just happen once. You never learn, yous go along repeating that 'yeah, that'southward fine' response over and over.
Why?
Every bit women we were built-in to care for others. The difficulty is that you don't know the boundary of exactly how many others you are actually responsible for.
Now don't get me wrong, it's fab to help others. It requite y'all a nice glowing, do-gooder feeling, but generally it's at the expense of your time and limited free energy. And then ultimately what could exist conceived as a magnanimous gesture turns into resentment and anger at your disability to say 'no'.
Your daily dynamics…
You lot start your day like a fully charged mobile, yous rush round with family, household and concern demands without really taking a moment to recharge your batteries.
As the 'low bombardment' warning looms in the class of headaches, feeling brusque tempered and overwhelmed, the added request lands in your in-tray.
You know it'south coming and yous think to yourself 'admittedly not, I'm too busy, too exhausted and frankly have as well much on my own wildly spinning plates'. So, as if from outer space those immortal words still again spill out… 'yeah, that should be fine'.
Whaaaat, noooo, motorcar crash alee…
How to say no
You tin can get yourself out of this 'yeah' cycle with a little practice. Stand firmly and squarely in forepart of a mirror, look yourself in the center and say…
**"No, I'm so sorry, equally much equally I'd dearest to, I simply have also much on myself at the moment."
Putting that very sentence into exercise is pretty scary stuff, considering when you depart from the word 'no' for the kickoff fourth dimension information technology'southward like you've hit someone with a big heavy, blunt object.
The person on the receiving cease has already heard you saying 'yep' in their head, merely like you always have. In fact they may well repeat, "did you say 'no'?", with a tone of absolute disbelief.
Continuing firmly and resolutely, you need to echo the in a higher place sentence ** (or something as effective).
Wow. What a revelation. All sorts of emotions will exist racing through your body, the words 'I can't believe I have done it', followed by whoopee, followed by anxiety equally to how this new word is going to be received.
The next bit is crucial. Exercise not go into a long, babbling caption as to why you can't actually help out. You don't need to explain yourself and you certainly don't owe the 'asker' an explanation, just remain silent and wait for their reaction.
My top tip
Larn to say it over the phone first. Know in your heart of hearts that the adjacent time this person asks the question to which the only reply they desire is yes, that yous have rehearsed and you're going for it. Yous have fabricated that unwritten agreement with yourself that 'no' is not a muddied word.
The therapeutic properties of 'no'
I clearly recall the first time I did this (mind y'all it was after viii years of therapy!) to a friend who for xxx years I had always said 'yes' to.
I smiled to myself as the mobile rang and her name appeared. Information technology had to be to inquire me to do something as that was the only reason she e'er called me. My stomach lurched, my mouth went dry and when the expected request arrived. I replied (** meet to a higher place).
The person in question said something like, 'er, oh, er, that's ok, I mean, yes, of grade that's fine'. I knew deep down it was so not fine but information technology was fine by me, for once I was putting myself and my needs get-go and as women nosotros are so rubbish at doing that.
Getting the right remainder
When you've washed it in one case it becomes quite empowering and you may go totally the opposite way for a while and say no to about everything! However, over fourth dimension yous will find the right residuum for you.
I can honestly say information technology has transformed my life and my relationships considering people rapidly got used to the possibility I would say no.
Yous tin can mentally and physically free up your life and accept the energy to practise the things you beloved….try it.
It's your life, your choices and the luxury of saying no is admittedly yours for the taking.
Source: https://henpicked.net/say-no-i-dare-you/
0 Response to "I Dare You to Say That Again Only This Time I Want You to Say"
Post a Comment